Jon and Kate +8

I watched the season premier of Jon and Kate +8. They addressed the stress and the hard time they are having in their marriage. Jon denies infidelity and Kate talks about her hurt. I watched this show with such sadness for this family. So many times you could see such sadness in Jon's eyes and the kids. I watched one of the little girls as she caressed her Dad's face when she was talking to him and the sadness in his eyes...you could see how much he loves those kids. The problem as I see it is the parents have placed the kids above their marriage. At the very end of the show the producers ask each of them what the future holds...they only spoke about why they do what they do and both said it is all for the kids. NEVER did they mention each other and their love. That was so sad! BUT it happens so easily and so under the radar that if you are not intentional about keeping your marriage 1st, all of a sudden the Godly order is out of wack.

I know the pain of infidelity and it rocks you to your core. Do I believe they can survive this, yes but it takes changing what you have done in the past. Healthy marriages don't have affairs and yes it may only be one person having the actual affair but both people contribute to the demise of a marriage. It took me a long time to realize that after my marriage broke up due to an affair that it was more than just the affair... and I had a hand in the demise of it. That was a hard lesson and a hard place to open myself up to. Having survived this I can now look back and see so many places where I would do things differently if God gives me the chance for another marriage.

1. My relationship with God will come first. I can not say I did this at all during my 1st marriage. I had put church and God back on a shelf because he was not a believer. This will never happen again. My joy comes from the Lord and I will not look for my husband, my friends or my child to fill that hole in my life that only God can fill!

2. My marriage and that entire relationship will come 2nd. I know so much more thanks to so many great books (For Women/Men Only, Love Sex and Lasting Relationships, Love Languages, Boundaries, etc) I have also had the chance to heal my wounds and become a whole person. It is like math...if you are 1whole person and the spouse is 1 whole person and God is in the middle...multiply it all out and you get 1...The way it is supposed to be. But if you still have baggage from your previous relationships and you are 1/2 a person and the other person is 1/2...multiply that out and it is 1/4!....that relationship can not last. Do I think that there wont be issues...NO but I know if I have done the hard work in me and so has the other person and we have God in the middle...we will work thru the rest!

3. Kids...3rd...I know that chances are I will marry a man who has kids already. This will create a whole new set of issues and challenges. I will not get married without us going thru the Changing Families Ministry with Tom and Helen Wheeler. I have learned so much thru them already. They have helped me, my ex and his new wife make the correct adjustments for Nick when they were getting married. It has made a huge adjustment for Nick a little easier. You can find info about them at www.changingfamilies.com

All this being said I would love to see Jon and Kate say the heck with the show, pull back to the basics and gain their love and family back. The BEST option for those kids (any kids for that matter) is for Mom and Dad to stay together and rebuild a healthy and happy marriage. I will pray for them in this and pray that as they heal their lives will be a testimony to Gods healing!