I got something this weekend. Something went from head knowledge to full heart knowledge. I have read 100 times about God's love, how He has plans for me to prosper me, how he will give me the desires of my heart if I delight myself in him...I can quote it all, I know it ... but this weekend I understood.
Nick turned 7 on Sunday. On Saturday we had a party planned for Splash Island. I had spent so much energy on doing all I could to make it perfect for him. About 30 minutes into the party it began to thunder and we ended up leaving and going home. I was so disappointed, Nick was ok but I hated that I could not give him his hearts desire. On Sunday we had a family party and I could not wait. A few weeks ago Nick came home and asked if he could have a kitten. I said no but began to think...for 2 years he has made little comments about wanting a yellow kitten. I changed my mind and called his Dad and step-Mom for them to help me pull off this surprise for his birthday. I have been so excited because I knew it was his heart desire..he had accepted my no and did not ask any more which made this all the more exciting. I could not wait for him to get his kitten (this is the one he picked out 2 weeks before and said loved him so much!) When he got his kitten his face was so shocked and he looked at me and asked if he really gets to keep her. He was and is so happy...for me giving him his hearts desire was such pure joy!
For years now I have gone back and forth with knowing and feeling strong in the fact that God loves me, knows what is best for me and will grant me my hearts desire and being sad because I would love to have a godly man in my life and possibly get married again in the future. I will get self righteous and name all of the commandments I have followed and all of the places I have been obedient. Wondering what is wrong with me, it has to be me...am I not smart enough, pretty enough, do I have bad breath, to fat...etc. Ive let the enemy beat me up for years on this one. It is my Achilles heel! I am studying a book called Searching for a Superman, Watching for a Wonder Woman...Preparing to find the love you desire. In this I have committed to doing the hard work to be the person God wants me to be and to work on me and me only. I will delight myself in the Lord!
Today I felt God show me that as much as I love Nick and I loved doing everything I can for him to include giving him the desires of his heart...nothing I gave him was something he was not ready for. At the age of 7 I did not buy him a car. He showed me how he loves me more than I love my child ( hard to think that is possible) and that He loves to give me (us) our hearts desire but His timing is perfect and He will not give me something before I am ready.
For me the timing of that lesson was perfect. I think it hit my heart at a perfect time...a time when I really got it...not just in my head but in my heart! And when timing is right he will bring me the man that is the desire of my heart and I will be the desire of his heart also!
1 comment:
MC,
God will give you your hearts desire. You are a wonderful person with much to offer your eventual partner and in God's time, he will bring him to you. I've been frustrated for many years. First I was frustrated that God would not save my marriage despite my prayers. Then I was frustrated at being alone. Then I was frustrated over trying again and things not working out. But… In due time, (that is, in His time); your desires will be fulfilled. When that happens, you will rejoice and I will rejoice with you! Blessings sister!
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